Teaching Financial Responsibility

When I was 15, I got my first job in a toy store at the mall by my house.  I loved the feeling of having my own spending money without asking my parents for it. 

As for saving up during my teen years, however, I didn’t do so well.  So making it through college long enough to earn two degrees was harder than it should have been since I had nothing saved up for it.  By the time I was earning my Masters degree, I was working two jobs to cover my education and living expenses.

Hence the reason I am adamant about teaching my kids the value of money at an early age.  We bought them both huge piggy banks they decorated to their own personal style, and they are required to put away at least half of their allowance and any money they get as a gift. 

I’m quite proud of my oldest son, who turns 8 today (yay!), for the patience and commitment he’s shown in saving up for the first steps to his big dream of becoming a scuba diver.  He can’t become scuba certified until he is 10 but he can take a series of introduction “missions” at the age of 8 with our local dive shop.  In these sessions, he will get to experience many things he’ll be able to do on a real dive, such as taking underwater pictures and using a flashlight underwater.

These classes aren’t cheap, so in order to earn enough for them he’s had to ask for money in lieu of the newest games or gadgets for his birthday and had to put more of his allowance away than required by us.  But he stuck with it and will soon earn the reward for his dedication. 

What rules have you put in place to help your children appreciate the value of money?  One idea I’ve recently heard that we’ll be starting as well is to apply a portion of allowances toward charities.

Liking the Gift Closet Idea More & More...

I’ve always been hesitant about the idea of keeping a gift closet for when my kids are invited to birthday parties.  My concern has been that we either choose a gift from this closet for a friend and he or she ends up not liking it, or we opt to buy other gifts due to interests and end up with a closet full of gifts we never give away. 

However, lately I’ve been starting to rethink this idea after needing 4 gifts for birthday parties this weekend, not including my own son’s.  Spending my full Saturday morning running to multiple stores in search of gifts without really having a good sense of what the recipients would get excited about took much longer than I had hoped.
 
One good thing that came out of my lengthy searching that I didn’t expect is that I came across some cool gifts just about any child my boys’ ages would like, regardless of their big interests.  So knowing a few other upcoming birthdays we need to buy for, I was able to take advantage of some sales and purchased a few of these gifts already.  My plan is to also go back for a few other things in the near future when I know other items will be on sale.

I know there are a few close friends we will most likely always go out and buy that special gift for, but for other friends whose interests we just aren’t so sure about, I think the gift closet could really score big for us.  If I plan it well enough by trying to take advantage of sales, it will not only save us money but definitely spare us the last minute shuffle we tend to get stuck in each time we get an invitation.

How do you manage all the birthdays you need to buy for?  Do you support the idea of a gift closet or do you think it’s too impersonal? 

When it's Time to Let Things Go and Take a Break

As is the case for most SAHMs, there are days I honestly feel like I don’t get off my feet.  When I sit down in the evening, which many days doesn’t happen until getting the kids to bed, I can’t believe how sore I am.  Quitting my full time job was one of the most rewarding things I did for myself and my family, but physically I feel more wiped out. 

The most important reason I love to run is because it’s my therapy.  It elevates my mood and helps me reduce stress, but I was surprised to find that I feel I need it more now than when I was working a demanding sales job.  Most days my workout is the only time I have for me, so no wonder my kids look at me like I have two heads all day on the days I don’t get a run in first thing in the morning.

Lately though I’m starting to feel the need for something more.  I could be feeling this way because it’s summer and the kids and I have been on the go so much trying to avoid the “I’m so bored” syndrome.  So it’s not as if I’m not having any fun, I’m just not getting the relaxation I’m starting to crave. 

I have this innate ability to put pressure on myself, so if there is laundry to fold or dishes in the sink, or anything at all that needs to be done around the house, I feel guilty if I don't do it right away. 

But I know there is and ALWAYS will be something to be done.  Once laundry is put away, it’s time to do more.  Once dishes are cleaned up, it’s time to eat again.  It won’t go anywhere, so I'm promising myself to just put a few things on hold a little more often and take the break I need.

How do you get yourself the relaxation you need without feeling guilty? 

Why Can't the Weatherman be Right?

I spent 15 years in a sales career where my performance and ability to hold a job were based not only on how much software I sold but on my accuracy in forecasting how much I’d sell and when I’d sell it.  The further away from target I was, the more stress I felt about keeping my job.

Personally, I wish I had chosen to go into meteorology since weather forecasters don’t seem to have as much pressure to be on target with their forecasts.

Have you tried to plan any activities at all this summer with the kids where those plans were based on the predicted forecast and yet had to alter those plans because that forecast wasn’t correct?  I’ve found it frustrating this summer as I’ve tried to schedule some fun outings and even the hourly radar forecasts are often inaccurate.

I’m not just talking about expecting a sunny day and having it rain, I’m referring to the opposite as well.  I absolutely love being outdoors, especially in warm weather, so even planning an indoor activity on a day it’s forecasted to rain and looking out the window at sunshine gets my goat.

But yet with all this frustration, why do I still check the forecast and try to plan around it?  I know chances are it won’t be right, but it’s a habit I can’t break.  And as I sit here typing this on my patio, it’s starting to sprinkle – when it was supposed to be sunny this morning.

How much stock do you put into these forecasts when planning your days?  Are you more of a spontaneous, play-it-by-ear scheduler, or would you prefer to have it all planned out - and work out as planned?  

He's Afraid of the Dark

My son is back in our room at night.  He tends to go through these spurts where he is afraid of the dark.  Once it gets dark outside, he won’t go upstairs without me, he won’t go down the hall to the bathroom if no lights are turned on, and he doesn’t want to be alone in his room. 

So last night I did some web surfing to get ideas on how to help him overcome this fear, and I came across some interesting facts that were new to me.

First, I’ve been able to get to the source of his fear, which is that he is afraid of monsters and has bad dreams about them being in his room.  I had thought I put this fear to rest multiple times by reassuring him that monsters don’t exist.  But I realize now that I may not have used the right approach which would explain why he is at my side of the bed at 3:00am.

I learned how important it is to not discount his feelings on this topic.  No matter how crazy we think it is, especially when half asleep at 3:00 in the morning trying to negotiate space between me and my husband, I need to make every effort to reduce this anxiety leaving him unable to sleep.  We are now going to conduct a “monster inspection” each night in his room, and make sure the lava lamp is always turned on at bedtime rather than just for fun during play time. 

I also learned that when kids have more stress in their lives, they are more vulnerable to many things, including these types of fears.  So knowing this, I can start to track any changes going on in our house, or the type of day he had on a night that he’s struggled with this fear.  If this stress agent is addressed, it might ease the monster stress. 

As he is getting older and his understanding of the world is developing, even successfully putting the monsters to rest doesn't address the fact that he is becoming more fearful of new things he may see in a book or movie.  So we need to stay in tune with any new stressors that may reignite this trend. 

So I now wonder if maybe our bedtime story about Tornadoes was actually a good idea. 

How Can Siblings Be So Different?

I found a video clip years ago on the internet that depicts exactly how my two boys are and will be when they are older – one wearing a tie, very formal and a seemingly upstanding individual, although maybe a little too tightly wound; the other in a t-shirt and jeans, annoyed greatly by his older brother and interested in annoying him back, clearly the jokester of the two. 

What’s funny about this is that when I found this clip my son’s were only 2 & 5 – they are now 5 & (almost) 8, and the older they get the more these roles fit them.

How can it be that we can produce two very different personalities?  They have the same parents, grow up in the same house and have the same things available to them.  And while they still have a lot in common, they also have such different interests and act so differently to various situations and events.

Apparently this isn’t uncommon in other families as well.  Of all my friends I’ve shared this video with who also have boys, they’ve found it to be their situation as well to some extent. 

How do you find things to run best in your house if your children are as different as mine?  Do you subscribe to the idea that treating them equal works best – equal chores, bedtimes, privileges and punishments?  Or do you see more value and success in treating them uniquely based on their personalities with their understanding that this is a more fair approach for both of them?

Why Won't He Sleep In??

I have one child who will sleep in until 10:00am if I let him, and the other who will not sleep in no matter how tired he is.  And of course, the one who won’t sleep in is the one who requires more sleep than the rest of us combined.

Now to set the record straight, this isn’t a matter of him waking me earlier than I want to be up and about.  I’m always up long before his usual wake time.  And although I do appreciate the days he does stay in bed longer since that time of the day is the only alone time I get in the summer, my frustration lies in the fact that the poor child goes through these spurts of exhaustion during the day – he just seems to require more sleep than other kids. 

I’m still trying to identify if he is sleeping well enough at night and if maybe that is the reason for his tiredness when he wakes, even though he says he can’t fall back to sleep.  

I’ve researched this area and found some of the usual suggestions I’ve heard before about how to set up the best environment for healthy sleep:

• make sure the room temperature is comfortable - keep it cool but socks on the feet if they are cold.
• make sure no light can seep in through the curtains.
• try to isolate any noise.
• stick to a bedtime routine so he can relax his mind fully.

One other theory I’ve never subscribed to myself is that if you try to catch up on sleep over the weekend it disrupts your biological rhythm, which in turn makes getting up early during the week harder to do. 

Personally, I know when I was working full time, there would be many weekends I’d beg for extra sleep, and when I got it I’d feel renewed.  And for my sleepy son, any chance he has to get extra rest, I’m all for. 

What are your thoughts?  Do you think letting your kids snooze a little more on the weekends is better or worse for their health? 

Helping Your Child Cope when a Friend Moves Away

Summer happens to be a time of year when many families schedule a move so as to not disrupt a child’s school year.  But no matter what time of year it is, it doesn’t make it any easier for children to part from their friends. 

Here are a few tips to help offset the sadness and get your kids to start accepting that unwanted change is unfortunately a normal part of life.  I’m currently implementing these strategies for my 5 and 8 year old boys, who have friends moving to another state in less than a week. 

 

• Encourage him to share his feelings with you.  He may say he’s fine, but some kids internalize feelings more than we know.  Let him know you would like him to share whatever thoughts he has on the topic, or ask any question he has, whether he's sad to see his friend go or excited for his or her new beginning.  Once you really know how he feels you can better help him cope, if necessary.

• Depending on his age, help him stay in touch with his friend as best as possible.  Whether they have a chance to chat on the phone, email or send a letter, use this as an opportunity to maintain a friendship as well as practice important skills. 

• Plan a few extra things for your child the week his friend leaves - extra play dates with other friends, a trip to somewhere special such as the zoo or his favorite park, and other events your child considers special.  The busier he is in the initial few weeks, the easier it will be for him to adjust.

 

Helping children cope when a friend moves away is similar to having to cope with any other major transition he’ll encounter growing up.  Over time, he’ll learn to adjust to these situations on his own, but for now, the more thought you put into making it easier for him, the better.

Has your child had to work through a lost friend, or other big transition?  How did you help him adjust?

Tips for Early School Year Preparation

Every year after the 4th of July I feel like time flies and the next thing we know, summer is over.  Here are a few tips that have helped me stay well organized and prepared for the big day without cutting into the last few weeks of summer fun:
  

• Get your calendar updated early.  If you have the new school year schedule of events, such as days off, special events, etc., plan some time to put everything on your main family calendar soon. Don’t wait until the school year begins because you’ll find you might have already missed some events or have another conflict on a particular day.  

• Pick a date 2-4 weeks before school starts and set the kids’ alarms for the time they’ll need to get up in the morning, and make sure they do so.  Getting them on this schedule now will make the transition much easier. 

• Two weeks before the first day of school, have the kids go through their normal morning routine – get up with their alarms, shower, eat breakfast, etc.  This will give you a chance to time how long it will take them
to actually be ready to get out the door.  You will also figure out early if you have to change anything to either get them moving quicker, or make adjustments to their wake up time.

 

• Take advantage of summer clothing sales now.  If your kids are like mine, growing out of everything within a couple of months, look at what’s on sale now.  While school begins in only 5-6 weeks, my kids will wear shorts to school for the first few months, so now is the time to get a few extras.  I’ve been in the unfortunate situation in the past when they haven’t had enough of the right type of clothes for the season, and found myself doing laundry way too often just so they had something appropriate to wear.

 

As with anything, early preparation is the key to avoiding chaos and frustration.  What other pointers can you share?

Is Faking an Injury Poor Sportsmanship?

As the World Cup comes to a close, it brings with it some thoughts on the integrity of all professional sports players and their role in the game.  While I love watching just about any sport, and am a big fan of soccer (my youngest started playing when he was 2 ½ ), I must admit by Sunday’s final match I was turned off by the blatant dives performed in all the games I watched in attempt to force a penalty against the opponent.

In my opinion, these bogus moves completely take away the legitimacy of the match.  Is this not a form of cheating – trying to gain an unfair advantage rather than winning fair and square, based on talent? 

I personally see this behavior as an extension of poor sportsmanship.  What happened to being able to just play the game with all your heart and to the best of your ability, without trying to cheat the other side? 

Don’t our kids learn from this?  I fully believe poor sportsmanship is learned from adults, and it concerns me that while my husband and I make extra effort to teach our boys how to play fairly, do their best, and be a good sport, there are other parents who apparently put more emphasis on winning rather than having character or moral values.  We’ve recently witnessed extreme poor sportsmanship at one of my son’s baseball games by both the players and some parents.   Hmmm, no wonder the kids behave in such a negative manner.

Not long ago I saw a quote that states “You don’t win a silver medal, you lose a gold.”  Seriously??  How can we expect our kids to build confidence and esteem when it no longer seems honorable to accomplish 2nd place?

As a mom, how do you guide your kids to portray good sportsmanship?  How do you coach them to deal with others who don’t?